I think I am going crazy. I understand that with kidney stones I need to rest and everything, but this is driving me insane. Kurt tells me to write, but being so active and then going to non-active... ah! I can't stand it.
Update: I am going to the hospital tomorrow for scans, xrays and bloodwork to determine the current status of my 'rolling stones.' I then get my films, and head to my urologist, who will then determine my current state and if I need surgery, or can/cannot run. I am aiming to be running by next Wednesday. Might as well be a lifetime, though.
The unfortunate thing is that IU has my doctors note stating "no strenuous activity" which means I can't even try to get around it. I'm stuck. Although, I am going to ask Scott if I can swim, or bike, or something. I looked online (the most valuable source of information these days ;) ) and found out that I can do yoga. Where is Renae when I need her? Haha. I miss her terribly, but she ALWAYS did yoga in our room and now that I feel like joining, I can't. I could probably find a yoga dvd from the library but I don't want to do that- I want to SWEAT and PUSH MYSELF and LIFT WEIGHTS. gahhh, I want to be sore when I get up in the morning. Right now all I feel is bloated. Yuck. Maybe that means the stones are moving.
So, while my training regiment is put on hold for me to get better, my teammates have been practicing hard and getting ready to bring the heat. We actually did decently this past weekend, except for a little motivation problem. In high school I was always so negative about my running that I never did well. In college, finally, I was able to get over my mindset and my running has been improving. I think our team just needs a bit of positive reinforcement, but I've realized that no matter how often I tell someone how fabulous they are, or how hard they have been working, I can't run the race for them and they have to make the decision on how they are going to react- negatively or positively.
I am struggling with being a leader, and being unable to run. I am still trying to remain positive, but it's hard. I still get upset when I see my teammates running/working out and I can't join. I swear, it's like a party I was invited to but can't participate or socialize with anyone.
Mainly I just feel like a big lump on a log.
Gotta keep pushing through, even when the end of the road looks hopeless.
